so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
