She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
