just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
