Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He's a Shit stain on my heart
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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