He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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