You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
