it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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