direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
