I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
