...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
