JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
