Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
