Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
PANTIES FOUND
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