Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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