I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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