I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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