I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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