i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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