dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
