He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You ruined the universe
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
