I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you would pick up someone in the library
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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