This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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