I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My cat gives me a boner
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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