I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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