Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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