I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
