No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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