Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
