i just snorted my name. best moment ever
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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