NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
