I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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