this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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