My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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