I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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