I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
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