you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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