I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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