I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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