I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
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