Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize