Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
well you can't waste a boner
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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