I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
