I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
