I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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