I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
