My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
