grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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