i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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