Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
