fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
