Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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