just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
