end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize