were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
