Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize