he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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