I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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