I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
