Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
