Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
