R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
