She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
