I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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