I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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