I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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