Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
