I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
