I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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