idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
