Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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