And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
