she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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