I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
