I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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