Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
