well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
