wat bout pragnant strippers??
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
