she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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