The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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