I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
