The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize