Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
