sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
