Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
