Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My Sexting was not on an AP level
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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