I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
