called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
