i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
