She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
