I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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